A Twist on how Hermione and Draco Became the Heads
by Sirenic Griffin
Summary: After reading many Hermione-Draco became Heads of Hogwarts I thought it would be interesting if it wasn't as dignified as being based academically or by any part of sense or reason, as is the Hogwarts way... Enjoy... Two-Shot
1. The Choosing of the Heads

**How the Head Boy and Girl are really chosen.**

**Summary: **When strange things in life occur Pansy is amazed to discover that the choosing of the heads isn't dignified at all and she watches in disgust as Hermione and Draco become the heads of the school.

**One-shot**

There are strange things that happen in life that are totally unexpected.

Moments that occur that one has little explanation for why they happened. Or how they occurred at all.

One of these moments was how Adolf Hitler decided to abandon wizardry completely and become an artist. He realised soon after that this was a bad idea and ended up restarting the War to End all Wars, which became progressively known as World War Two.

Another, and more relevant moment was the founding of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, a result of what happened when four De'dannan Academy drop-out students decided to try and invent a new type of alcohol to drown their sorrows. Rowena Ravenclaw, (expelled for her contrary views that the wizarding world and muggle world should just push the stupid Roman armies out of the Isles and be done with it) put her expertise together with her go-lucky friend Helga Hufflepuff (true fashion drop-out, she preferred to do funner things…) and created the best place to be. The Hog's Warts. A barplace then two old friends (Godric Gryffindor, and Salazar Slytherin; … both failed.) decided to get extremely drunk and Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry was founded.

The rules put in place are created from someone else trying make sense of a very drunken night.

Another one, and the last moment to be used was when Percy Weasley won the right to be Head Boy.

Why? Because we all know Percy Weasley has never before touched a drop of alcohol.

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It was the last night of the sixth year and Hogwarts Main Hall couldn't look more different, all tables had been removed except one and instead of the former benches chairs were all over the place. At the present all contenders for Head Boy sat around said table in competition all to see who would win.

Pansy Parkinson, a girl who could proudly say she grew into her face (infact she felt very insecure about the fact her nose still reminded her of a pug but that was it.) and had done herself up to the best degree, was not impressed.

She'd spent hours preparing herself, straightening her fine blonde hair and making herself less pale and pink and then choosing just the right robes that clung and hung in just the right places. She'd made sure they were Slytherin Green to bring out the green in her teal eyes. And here her efforts were wasted. Nobody was going to notice her in this competition.

After all, who would bother when they were stone drunk.

Hogwarts Academy of Witchcraft and Wizardry determinded their Head Boy and Girl with the last girl and boy standing.

In an open drinking competition.

Pansy Parkinson was not impressed.

"So who do you think will win?" Pansy asked as she approached a girl sitting astride a chair analysing the guys with the piles of shot glasses in front of them. The girl shrugged.

"I'd say Zabini, because of his heritage he should have a better resistance to alcohol." Pansy scoffed.

"Nah, Zabini loses to Draco every time he tries. Draco's been drinking with his family since he was five." The girl nodded, as if taking in that information.

"That would explain the braindamage." Pansy gritted her teeth and assumed the girl was not in Slytherin and probably in an another opposed house.

"Aren't you going to cheer for one of the guys from your house?" She sneered and the girl scoffed, fiddling with one of her bracelets.

"Nah, only Seamus has a chance and he's already under the table." She pointed at the Irishman who seemed quite content to have a conversation in Gaelic to whoever would listen. The interesting fact was that Gregory every now and then with his girlfriend Lilith would answer or understand something that was being said and roar back in an answering Gaelic verse. She'd forgotten that under all the stupidity Gregory was Irish. You just couldn't tell because of rarity that he opened his mouth, infact it was such a rare occasion that people would be surprised at the sound of his voice.

"Your not voting for Weasel or Pothead?" Pansy asked curiously and the girl grinned.

"Why would I? They lose to me every time." With that she raised a glass.

"Seems like Malfferrets won." Pansy looked over to see the other boys under the table and Draco was looking right at them. Most of the girls were declining the drinks that came with the girls round but the mysterious girl smiled.

"Anyone up for a challenge?" She asked whole heartedly and Lavender groaned.

"Hermione, I do not intend to get stoned drunk and let you lead me to the lake to go swimming again. It was awful." The other girls had similar ideas and Hermione sighed. Pansy felt herself prickling. There was no way she was going to let the Gryffindor Golden Girl get the badge without a drop of alcohol in her. She grabbed a shot glass.

The end of the night was filed with Flying Pink Elephants.

Pansy was embarrassed to admit that Hermione had won, hands down and had later drunken the rest of bottle after Pansy had gone to lala land. She had heard afterwards that Hermione insisted that Muggles made stronger alcohol.

Wizard stuff was weak.

Pansy didn't want to test the experiment.

**Author Note: **_**Written some lonely night at the beginning of March after being taken to the pokies sometime and realising that one gets drunk quicker by drinking alcohol with a straw. It tasted lemony. **_

_**Review Please. **_


	2. The Two Heads Face Off

**Celebration of graduation.**

**One shot.**

"Okay, I have to admit even though the rules _are_ really stupid, that you made a really good head girl. I'm going to regret graduating. Can you sign my year book… I'm asking all my friends… so you know we can keep in touch…" Pansy glowered at her yearbook with its leather cover. The photos had been taken at the start of the year, seventh was the only year photos of any shape or form were taken by professionals and published in the said book.

"Well that doesn't sound like I have a crush." She fluttered her eyes at the mirror.

"Oh, Draco sign my yearbook… all my friends are… so that we can keep in touch." She banged her head down on the table. Hard. All she want Granger to do was sign her year book because she hadn't been a bloody prat, and there had been a weak semblance of friendship between the two girls who had predominately male friends. That and Hermione taught her the secrets of the muggle culture that crossed into wizarding culture far weakened. Secrets such as alcohol, music, singing, dancing, sewing and other fine motor arts.

It made her feel incredibly useful and worthy when, although she could zap it or buy it herself, when she made an embroidery.

"Sure, Pansy. All you had to do was ask." Speak of the devil, Draco walked into the room and grabbed the thing she'd been hitting her head with.

"Do you want it made out to…" He trailed off at her glower.

"That looks like a very sad daisy. Almost as bad a lavender. Not pansy. Pansy's are happy. You could be-" Pansy's glower turned into a glare.

"Don't you dare name another flower, even if there are other students at this school." He stopped and meekly signed her book.

"So… this is graduation week." She began meekly as he placed the book down. He nodded.

"Yeah… tonight we have a graduation party – because most will go home with their parents after graduation, and the rest of the week is muck up week. No classes just us, being annoying and saying the farewells." He said a frown on his face.

"Why do we have graduation _week_."

"We usually have a muck-up week, to get everything about school and the frustrations caused by it out of the system."

"I heard there's going to be alcohol at the graduation party." She said suspiciously and Draco laughed.

"Of course there is Pans. It's Graduation! And it's not a dance." She glowered.

"Are you still mad that Granger won the drinking contest? I can't believe she did. You last longer than any of the Slytherin girls and most of the boys." She smiled at him.

"The Pink Elephants were beautiful." He rolled his eyes.

"I think it's just because you were lazy and didn't want to be head girl." Pansy gained a very Slytherin smirk.

"You were under the table. I swear she turns into another person around Alcohol." Draco's face glowed.

"Is she more docile?" He asked brightening.

"… Okay, I bet you 10 galleons that Granger could beat you in a drinking contest." He frowned.

"A Malfoy never loses or withdraws from a bet. I'd hate for you to lose 10G. It's your allowance for the week." She shrugged.

"She sets the circumstances." He nodded.

"Your on." And he stalked out of her chambers. Pansy looked down at her book and picked up the leathered file.

"Of to Granger then." She stood and left as well.

((Break))

"Granger." He approached her table and she smiled delicately, as she sat, front facing the back of the chair which was pressed against the table. Hooker style.

"Malfoy, what have I done to deserve the pleasures of your company this fine night?" He smirked and sat on the opposite stool.

"I believe Pansy informed you of our little bet." Hermione shrugged.

"Yeah, Thought I'd make it a bit more interesting though." She said, a feral grin on her face and Malfoy blinked and she leant down to retrieve five bottles from under the table.

"This is Butter beer, moderate alcohol, makes the insides warm on a hot day. Little to no Alcoholic properties." He nodded, it was what was served to students at the Hogs Head.

"This is Fire Whisky. The hardest alcohol available in the wizarding world. It's what they serve in Quidditch victory parties. Get's most wizards smashed." The bottle was placed on the other end of the table.

"This is Vodka, this is Scotch and the is Bourbon. All muggle alcohols." He nodded again, slightly repulsed. Nobody mentioned that he'd have to touch filthy muggle alcohol.

"The idea of this game," She said slowly picking up a stack of disposable cups, and expertly pouring each of the five drinks into ten cups, two each and evenly distributing them evenly in half.

"Is to see how far you can last with a combination of all of these drinks in your system. If after the first five you haven't quit we move onto the next round. Is that fine?" He nodded and somebody called their attention to that part of the room. Hermione looked at Draco and he nodded picking up the first cup.

"Butterbeer." Hermione told them all and downed it straight without taking a breath. Like a shot. He closed his eyes wondering what he'd gotten himself into. The drink went straight down and he noticed Pansy's smirk out of the corner of his eyes. She was holding that blasted year book.

"Fire Whisky." That too went straight down, and she closed her eyes and savoured the taste. Licking her lips. He picked up his cup and downed that too feeling the normal feeling as the fire-like taste touched his tongue.

"Vodka, 25 Alcohol." He looked at her for a moment and she shrugged.

"Pure Alcohol is toxic, every muggle know that Draco." She downed that too and watched him as coughed at the taste and smiled as she reached for the cup of bourbon. That too tasted awful. The scotch looked at him in the face and he closed his eyes. That taste was disgusting.

The competition ended with Hermione grinning and grabbing the Butterbeer bottle and stashing the three muggle alcohols in a long suitcase. The Fire whisky bottle was donated to her amusement to Ronald and she sat as she watched the rest of the party, Draco snoring happily in her lap muttering about Bubbles that had little pieces of him insides. There were many instances that he'd snap awake and try and catch said bubbles and failed.

Pansy approached Hermione looking quiet shy.

"Okay, I have to admit even though the rules _are_ really stupid, that you made a really good head girl. I'm going to regret graduating. Can you sign my year book… I'm asking all my friends… so you know we can keep in touch…"Hermione smiled slightly and got out her pen.

"Sure."

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It's not all roses and kind people caring for you, or enemies turning into loving friends.

Author Note1: Err… I don't think it's as good as the last one, but seeing as its further from my alcohol experience It'll have to do. I wanted to make it seem like muggle alcohol was more potent but… ah well… hope it was enjoyable…

**AN** Muckup week, I don't know what other places have it but the years before us did and they cancelled it during my last year because somebody did something malicious last year. I figured it would also be a chance to have freetime, say goodbyes. I don't know much about the English School system I just needed another reason to have the lot around alcohol and I doubt the theories of Valentine's Day dances or Christmas Dances. (… they are dances… and I don't know how many people actually are very into those things. We had them but only couples are really good friends participated… I er… sat in the back corner and laughed.). Graduation is something that needs to be gotten out of the system. Muck up week usually occurs when teachers are marking the final results so that they can be on the graduation certificates and rankings.

**Warning:** Mixing different types of alcohol is a bad idea. Only do so if you have a recipe. If your going out drinking, drink only one type of drink. It's bad to drink too many different kinds. This is fiction and therefore amusing. Hangovers happen in real life as does other bodily problems. I suggest Bourbon and Coke mostly.

Stick to one type and if your curious keep the other type in mind and try it when you don't have other types in your system.

Also the only reason that Hermione actually won this is because, as I have previously said, Wizards have low alcohol tolerance (and have really weak alcohol so a tolerance isn't built up), because men (unfortuneately) have a higher body weight and can sustain more alcohol than females. That is why in the first one shot the competition wasn't all out but simply boy-girl. Men have a tolerance: 6-8 drinks, Women: 3-6. (In Australia). Drink responsibly and people won't die or go to jail. Which is why Paris Hilton is in trouble at the moment (… I'm in a different country and she just won't **leave** my TV. I don't care.)

PLUS: Something special goes to the person who can tell me what Disney cartoons I've references from during the past two fics.


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